Deep thoughts

Sometimes, I envy those who are born into more-than-medium families - in short; rich kids. Seriously, I really envy those lucky kids. I'm not complaining about me being born into a normal yet simple family but hey, I'm still a human being. So I get the right to be jealous, don't I?

Let me just give you an example of these luck-kids. Oh, I just created the word from a combination of "lucky" and "kids" hence, luck-kids. Anyway, back to the main road – my cousin is one of these luck-kids. Ever since she was born, she was gifted with everything a girl could possibly imagine. Toys, parties, vacations to wherever and so on. When she was a teenager, she was blessed with being popular, being liked and loved, mingled around with popular kids, study overboard (since the family had to transfer to Holland due to the father's obligation to work), vacation around Europe, designer bags, designer clothes, designer watches, designer-whatever-you-can-think-of. And teenagers also need parties, and she got loads of them. She went to parties and held up parties. After a few years overseas, the family came back to their old house – and renovated it to a bigger one full of expensive items and furniture. The least expensive would be from Ikea, I would say. She got her driving license and right away she got a car from the father. Her purse was never empty. Her popularity is still there, and I know most of the youths in Miri at that time (or even now) know her. At least, they know her name.

I remember of her showing to me her personal Swatch watches collection. Name any of the designs or models – she would have it. And all of them are originals, not Chinatown made. The family would go to K.L during weekends just for shopping spree. You can say that KL is like their second home. She got heaps of handbags, shoes, heels, clothes – she can just open another small factory outlet store for those. Basically, she lives like a real princess.

She got married a few years back. Even her wedding was sponsored by the parents. A lush and beautiful wedding and all were invited. I wasn't there as I was still in a semester, counting the days for final exams. But from the DVD my grandma showed me, the wedding ceremony was extravagant. Everything was on the parents.

Then after a few months, she gave birth to a baby girl. Even that, the parents paid for her medical fees and such. Last I heard, she is still living under-one-roof with the parents in the big bungalow with all her family expenses are on the parents. Even the baby's milk, diapers, and so forth.

Now, if that kind of life is to be compared to mine – mine is shitty. And everyone keeps on telling me things which for now I think are shitty too. Yes, yes I know people will tell me that I'm blessed to be brighter than the others in the family; or that I am lucky to be going through life the hard way as so that I get to learn all the crooks in living life. Wait a minute, what is so lucky to be going through life the hard way? Ok, I admit I am lucky for once, I have loved ones around me – my mom, my siblings, my family, Hubby and some good-for-keep friends too. You know who you are.

But then, being in my shoes are not exactly wonderful. Not like sitting on a merry-go-round and just enjoy yourself without having to think or worry about anything. People would usually think of silly things like where shall I eat today, what I shall eat today, what to spend today, where to shop today, where and who to hang out with today...blah-blah-blah.

And this is what I have in my mind every single day:

#1. Money: Would I have enough money till the end of the month? How can save more? Fuck, I had to spend money on unnecessary things that came up along the way towards the end of the month; hence I don't have savings yet. How to pay for this? How to compensate for that? How to cut down on budget? Where to eat to save? What to eat to save? Can I just not eat anything except for some Jacob's crackers and plain water?

#2. Work: I think I have blurted out a lot about this one. So, I'm going to the next instead.

#3. Time: To tell you the truth, 24-hours is not enough for me. Morning till evening, I am at work. To go back from work, it takes about 2 hours to be stuck in the traffic. Half an hour allocated for meals. Reach home; I have to feed the kittens, clean up the house if the kittens had messed it up, do the laundry, and other chores. I end up going to bed feeling tired all over – mentally and physically.

#4. Money issue, again.

Would you believe it if I tell you that I don't hang out with friends? You know, like a weekend's night gathering – I don't do that stuff. That's because I'm trying to catch up on relaxing myself all the time. Even nowadays, I have noticed that I don't pay enough attention to Hubby as before – which made me realize that this would lead to bad circumstances. I am more to the listening part rather than the chit-chatting part, unlike before. But at times, I let my mind wander off thinking about problems when I'm supposed to listen to Hubby. And I feel terrible for being such an anti-social bitch to my Hubby too. I have to change that part, I guess.

Anyway, I need to go down to the lab. Will rant more later on.