merajuk.kecik hati.

The Boss had just demotivated me through her words.

They have no initiative in looking for the specifications..

and she told it behind us, in front of our own trainees.

what about the massive brain-cracking calculations i did?
what about the countless meetings with vendors and clients that me and Hubby had been doing all these while?
what about sacrificing our resting time, our lunch hour and also weekends to try to get as much information as we can grab through the internet? through journals? through books?
has The Boss forgotten about us working 24 hours for her - so that she can seal deals or contracts?
has she forgotten bout how her so-called competent, smart, intelligent and experienced workers tried to pull her down?
didn't she realize that it was me and Hubby who has been working our arses up to help her whenever she's in desperate situations?
didn't she notice that we are the only ones who are willing enough to make her dreams come true?

and after all the hard work, effort and countless of shit that we went through, which we still have to endure every single day - that was her compliments for us?

no initiative?
not good enough, she says?
not competent for her?

you know, im thinking of NOT going to Germany for her. now, why should i go all the way across the world for her when she's not even thankful for having us as her one and only workers who are actually work our lives out to save her standards?

plus, the allowances given to us won't be that much:

1. 500 Euro per month as allowances while in Germany.
2. after deducting all the expenses, we can only bring back about maybe, 300 Euro per month?
3. ok. we will be provided with accommodation (and transportation, maybe) - but who can assure me how will the situation be in Germany? i mean, i don't want to waste all my savings to buy winter clothes, make a passport and find out that things don't turn out as it should be.

and since me and Hubby aren't good enough (according to The Boss), instead of getting ready for Germany i'll just turn down the offer and concentrate on more important plans that i had been planning all this while.

i have to think for myself and be selfish at times, no?

oh, i have to thank The Boss for her precious "compliments" to us. i should have my manners, shouldn't i?

**edited: Hubby just told me that we won't be paid as per salary here in Malaysia while we are in Germany. so this had made me adamant of not going. nuff said, huh Boss?