what's wrong with me today?

out of sudden, im feeling lack of confidence.

oh wait. i've always feeling that way since God-knows-when. i rarely have confidence for myself and i have really low self-esteem too. a reason why i walk with my head down most of time. a reason why i never see myself as beautiful or good. a reason why my voice is getting small and smaller each day, which leads to the main reason why i start blogging.

cause i talk in my own head. yeah. right now, im talking in my head and typing it out through blogging.

at one point, i think i should give credits to those smarties who created blog. at least here, i can voice out what's running in my mind. "voice out" it seems. without even to have to let out a squeak.

alright, im getting carried away now. back to the purpose of this post.

im feeling totally out of confidence today. i feel like i want to keep quiet, and hide in a closet or under the bed.

i feel like i don't want to see anyone around, or let me be seen by others. i feel as if im disgusted with myself now, but actually im not. i just don't feel comfortable to be out in the world today.

can i just be really quiet today?
can i just be blur and keep my mind blank? and let things run in my head wildly like some maniac kids?
can i just sit here in front of my lappy and cruising the net?

i hope there wouldn't be any problem or tasks for me today. im just not in my good self today.

im thinking of downloading The Beach Boys song - Wouldn't it be nice. maybe it'll help me to be happy a bit.