cancelling all the plans, im sad.

im having a wave of mixed up feelings now. sad. down. blue. angry. anything that has nothing to do with happy.

it all happened after The Boss offered Hubby to work under UM's payroll. according to her, it is to help the company to take charge of important matters expecially ones regarding the hydrogen compressor and also gases.

now it seemed like the compliments i received had gone flowing through the drain cause it's no point for me being happy if Hubby isn't. what's worse, he's in his self-down-graded mood now.

he believes that The Boss wanted to transfer him into UM instead of under the company because he has no relevant and important use of being in the company. you see, the company is dealing mostly with mechanical and chemical core. be it engineering or lab work. mostly, it's chemical core that plays a huge role for the company but it needs mechanical elements too. none others.

and Hubby has electrical power core.

and that's why he personally feels that The Boss wanted him out cause he has very less relevance to the company.

i really hate it when he feels bad about himself. telling off that he's such a jinx, and nobody wants him. that he's not important. that he's such a loser to even think of working under a chemical and mechanical based company.

no no. i don't hate it when he feels and tell such things. it's more to breaking my heart, shredding my heart apart to hear that he thinks himself of that way. doesn't he realize that one day, he can become one of the good engineers around? it's all a matter of time. experience too.

well, comparing me to him, i think im the loser here. i might have the brains, but what good does intelligence give when you don't have the skills, experience and most importantly - the figure?

Hubby is tough and strong and he can do almost any engineering task when it comes to hands-on. as for me, i cant even bloody reach the top of the tank to install the pressure regulator.

he is always thinking critical and innovatively, while i follow the book which sometimes put me into lots of trouble and problems.

he is sturdy, and always able to stand on his own. stand up and defend himself if he feels he is right. not scared to voice out his ideas and opinions. not worried if others are against him. me? im totally opposite. i can't even and hardly talk to people around me! when others scold me for something that isn't even my fault, i can only feel fear.

he has superb communication skills. i am like a shy little pup.

seriously, it breaks my heart to hear him telling me what he thinks of himself. i had given him lots of supportive words and encouragement but his thoughts are stronger than my words.

right now, i don't know what to do. i have no mood at all to hang out or go for the visit to the museum that i have been feeling excited about all week. i just don't have any mood to do anything anymore now. i think i'll just forget bout all those plans.

i feel like crying. at one point, i feel like asking The Boss whether if she thinks that Hubby is no use to her. that's really unfair if she thinks so. cause Hubby had helped a lot with the things she needed.

i just want to go back and share with Mr.Teddie Boo bout my feelings.