what a dull life!

I think im probably going to suffer from heart attack before i could even reach 45 years old.

Cause whenever i am angry or pissed at some things or others, i cant let it out. It's very hard for me to ran amok like others do, so i just keep it all deep inside and hurt my own feelings.

I also worry bout a lot of things. Bout a lot of people. Mostly, i worry bout my work, my Hubby, and my family. It makes me sigh a lot. And it makes me sad at most times. I want to have a good life, not expecting it to be perfect, but i guess life really is a bitch. Everythings seems to be "easy comes and easy goes" in this world, in life.

I think a lot. A lot means a lot. Just imagine, i can even think of how solve some problems at work while i am in the shower. I think when i eat. I think when i watch tv. I think when im going out to have fun. I think when im about to sleep. And I think while sleeping too - end up with me having dreams bout work and everyday life, some are nightmares too.

I miss having time to jog around and hit the courts with squash. When i was in campus, those were the only ways (healthy ones i mean) to relieve my stress. I jog for about half and hour, jog to the court, play some nice smack and smash on squash till around 9pm. Then i walk back to hostel like about 1.5-2 km (or more) away from the court, smoking ciggies and drinking Livita or 100plus. Then around midnight after a night shower and some series watched, I would go out for mamak-session with some good friends. Eat and chat for hours. Sometimes till early morning. Surprising though, how can i manage with tonnes of assignments and loads of projects, lab session but still enjoying my life? I wondered myselef too.

As compared to now, work is only 8.30am till 5.30pm. Then home sweet home. Weird, i dont jog anymore though i have the time in the evening. I dont play squash (really miss the sport) cause hard to find a court in kL. I hardly go for a drink with friends, or lepaking. Worse, i NEVER go for movies yet in kL. I hardly go for window-shopping. In short, these are what i do:

8.30am - 5.30pm : work
5.30pm -12.30am : 1. Go to Carrefour to shop for groceries (2 times a week).
2. Back home, cook or do the laundry (once in every 3 days).
3. Entertain my Hubby, give him enough coffee, clean up kitchen.
4. Watch TV eventhough sometimes there's nothing interesting on it.
12.30am - 7.30am : Sleep.

That is all. That is I do every single day. Oh. ok. How bout weekends? I wake up at noon. Watch TV the whole day till i go to sleep around 2-3 in the morning. Yeap. Just at home.

At one point, im so used to living everyday life like that till i have no more urge to go out and have fun. The only fun i have in my dictionary now is sleep. yeah. Sleep is my hobby now, other than blogging.

I feel dull. I feel like im living the life of a 60 year old lady. Shucks! Even 60-year-old ladies nowadays hang out together, be it the knitting club, or sewing club, or whatever-club-there-is. I think that's the reason why i take sleep as my favourite. Cause when i sleep, i dont have to feel like im having quite a dull life.

In a nutshell, living life as a student especially when you are in a university is much more fun than living working life.

I need to be blur. I need to shrug off this dull thoughts from my head.

I need to stop feeling like a loser.

I need to enjoy life.